Toy
by That0neBitchOverThere
Summary: Oikawa Tooru finds himself in a continuous loop of toxic relationships, depressive thoughts, and sleepless nights. All he needs is someone to notice his pain and help him to break free from this lifestyle he had become way too used to living. (Cover Image is by WizzyGameMaster on DeviantArt and is titled 'Broken')
1. Prologue

After shutting and locking the door behind him, Oikawa slides down the cool surface, his side dragging along the doorknob as he brings his knees to his chest and lowers his head with a soft moan. Soft chestnut brown strands of hair cover his face, hiding the tears streaming down his cheeks as he wraps his arms around his legs. Today was shitty. His eyes stung, they'd definitely be swollen tomorrow, his stomach hurt, he could tell it was already bruised, he had a migraine, he hadn't eaten enough, his knee was acting up, and the inside of his cheek was throbbing. He hadn't been expecting his day to end like this, a thin line of blood making it's way down his chin from where his teeth had sliced through the skin of his mouth. The red was seeping into the knee of his jeans, but at this moment he couldn't really find it within himself to even pretend to care. He was too used to this. Too accustomed to coming home bloodied and bruised despite telling himself it would end differently each time. He kept finding himself falling into the same pattern. At this point he wasn't sure he would even know what to do in a normal relationship. He knew he was stupid. That he was making bad choices and always falling for the wrong person, but he couldn't do anything about it. He could faintly hear his phone chime so he lifts his head, wiping the salty tears from his cheek and roughly rubbing the back of his hand over his chin, though he only manages to smear the red liquid. He is somehow able to pull his phone from his pocket and unlocks it, opening the new message from Nobuyuki, his current boyfriend. Just another message he was used to receiving. " **I'm so sorry, Tooru.** " " **I didn't mean it.** " " **I love you.** " He didn't need to read it to know, and yet he still did and accepted those words as they were, hoping once again that this would turn out differently from the relationships he was used to. " **I know, it's okay. It was my fault.** " He replies, he had been too pushy. He knew it. So it really was his fault, he was to blame this time, just as he had been so, so many times before. He wanted this to work, he really liked Yuki. The brunet pulls himself up and moves away from the door, walking towards the bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head. He needed a shower. He needed to stop thinking about it. He knew that would only make things worse. Pausing in front of the mirror, he checks his reflection, careful not to look at his face. As he predicted, there was already purple smeared over his ribs, tainting a decent portion of his torso. That was going to really be sore for the rest of the week… Sighing, he shucks off the rest of his clothes and turns on the water, keeping the temperature hot, despite the knowledge that it would sting his wounds. The throbbing in his ribs was extreme, but the pain was dull so he knew there weren't any broken or fractured ribs. He could get off with just taking a few acetaminophen tablets before going to sleep. He washes himself quickly but carefully before getting out of the shower, drying off and wrapping the towel around his hips before moving to his bedroom. He was glad to welcome the end of the day and does so by pulling on a clean pair of boxers and his knee brace, though he wasn't technically required to wear it at night. He shoves the charger into his phone and lets it drop onto the mattress beside his head before he rolls onto his uninjured side and curls up, pulling his blanket over himself and squeezing his stinging eyes shut. He was hoping tomorrow would be better. That Coach Irihata didn't work him too hard, though he knew that between the coaches and Iwa-chan that was wishful thinking. There was no way he would catch a break tomorrow, and it probably didn't help that his lips was slightly split too, something he discovered after cleaning off the blood. Sighing, he squeezes one of his spare pillows to his chest. It was late, he needed sleep, but he wasn't tired. A problem he had been having during his third year, he wasn't able to sleep nearly enough. He could tell his grades were suffering because of it, he couldn't focus in class and performed poorly on tests, his playing too. He wasn't able to work as hard, his mind was always hazy, he had even been prescribed sleeping pills, trazodone, but he didn't like the way they made him feel groggy all the time and they didn't mix well with the pain medication he used for his knee, so he hadn't been taking them. It was just another night, laying in his bed in a dark room waiting for sleep to hopefully overtake him while his thoughts were racing, not cooperating with his internal pleas for silence.

 **Sorry the opening chapter is so short. It's kind of an intro/prologue. I hope you like this so far!**


	2. Chapter 1

Waking up in the morning, Oikawa didn't feel rested at all, he actually felt more tired than when he had went to sleep. Groaning, he shuts off his alarm and sits up, rubbing at his eyes as he slides off his bed and begins moving around his room to get himself into the Aobajosai. He hadn't iced his cheek the night before, so it was swollen like he thought it would be, he covers the slight bruising with a bandage and swallows down a couple of pain pills, hoping to keep his stomach from hurting too much throughout the day, he did have practice later and he wanted to be able to move without hurting. Grabbing his backpack and sports bag, he situates both on his shoulders and leaves the house, calling out a farewell over his shoulder, not wasting any time in leaving the house, knowing that his mother would hold him back, keeping him from making it on time for class. The setter didn't care that much about getting to class on time, but he didn't particularly want to deal with his mother's interrogation so early in the morning. The brunet makes his way to school, moving a bit slower than usual, his stomach already bothering him, apparently his medication hadn't kicked in yet. Today was going to be long, he could already tell. Heaving out a sigh, though he was glad he wasn't in the same class as Iwa-chan. It would be a nightmare dealing with the other teen right now, not that he wouldn't have to see him today, but he did want to put it off as much as he could. He had a pretty good idea of how the spiker would respond to his being a bit roughed up and he didn't want to deal with that. Honestly he didn't want to deal with anything today, so he was already stretching himself.

It wasn't much longer before the setter reached the school and he made his way through the halls, still full of people wandering around, trying to stretch out their time before going to class. Being the ever so popular person that he was, it didn't take long before he was surrounded by the usual posse of girls, but today he didn't have the patience to deal with their endless questions and perpetual pandering to him.

"Oikawa-senpai," one of the girls begins, a new face, he hadn't seen her before today actually. "Are you alright, senpai..?" She finishes, he could actually see the traces of concern in her face and, sighing internally, he gives one of his usual, fake smile to placate them.

"I wasn't feeling very well last night and managed to fall on my way upstairs, nothing to worry about," he says, answering the question while giving himself an excuse to leave them. "I'm feeling better, but still not at my best, so I was thinking about going to see the nurse and getting my temperature checked to see if I have a fever." He finishes, allowing him to brush off the small group of girls and alter his course to move toward the nurse's office. He knew what was wrong with himself though, and it wasn't a cold, so Oikawa bypassed the infirmary and circled back around, returning to his original path to make his way towards Third Year Class Six to spend almost seven hours of his day, nearly unmoving. And that was exactly what he did, staying in his classroom during lunch, lowering his head to the table and taking deep breaths, wishing for the day to finally draw to an end so he could go back to sulking in his bed.

It felt like an eternity later when they were instructed to stand, bow, and take their leave. Heaving out a sigh of relief, Oikawa gathers his belonging and makes his way slowly, the long hours he spent sitting had only caused his stomach to ache more, to the club room where he could change. The bruising along his torso had only darkening over the hours he was sleeping, so he had opted to wear a light undershirt beneath his school uniform. At least this way he could change from his school clothes into more athletic attire with few questions and he could finally play.

"Where the hell have you been, Shittykawa?" Is the greeting that he's welcomed with as he steps into the locker room. He raises his gaze and finds Iwa-chan, Kindaichi, Makki, and Mattsun loitering around in the room in different states of undress as they changed into clothes that would actually be comfortable to practice in.

"I don't know what you mean, Iwa-chan!" He replies, putting on that falsely chipper voice that he always had on standby. Making sure the door shut behind him, Oikawa sets his bags down and begins pulling off his own uniform, changing into his school issued white and aqua colored sports attire. "I've been here all day."

"What happened?" Comes a soft reply that Oikawa hadn't been expecting. The room had gone completely silent, the other three players no longer speaking softly to each other. Turning, the brunet gives the spiker a look that said that it wasn't his business, contradicting the chipper tone he used to relay his fabricated story to the vice captain.

"I stumbled going up some stairs." He says smoothly, if it had been anyone else, they would have believed him, but this was Iwa-chan. Someone who had grown up with the brunet, was basically a brother to him. This was the person who knew him best and Oikawa could see it in those dark green eyes that his friend knew his words were bullshit. He could see the concern, the anger, the annoyance, and the determination. Iwa-chan wouldn't be giving up on this one. He was going to have to talk to him. This was exactly the day he had been dreading for years now.

"Just hurry up and get dressed, everyone else is already waiting for you." Iwa says instead of calling him on his shit and a slight wave of relief washed over Oikawa swiftly followed by a current of dread, knowing that not talking now meant it would happen sometime soon, this was only dragging out the inevitable.

Oikawa turns to finish dressing himself and after a moment, he can hear the door closing behind shuffling feet. "Just tell Anzai to fuck off." He can hear a quiet, but clearly mad, muttering from Iwa before the other third year leaves the room as well. The Seijou captain pushes his feet through the legs of his pant and begins lacing up his shoes, ignoring the words from his childhood friend. He was trying to pin this on Yuki and it wasn't his fault. This was completely on himself.

The coach let them off early today and, before he could even ask, Irihata shot down the setter's request to stay late. Pouting, Oikawa made his way back to the locker room to change out of his sweaty clothes. "You're staying at my place tonight." Iwa says before he's even through the door, Oikawa's eyebrows furrow a bit as he looks at the shorter male.

"Um, no?" He replies, his confusion clear in his voice as he steps into the room and begins pulling the aqua shirt over his head, his entire body ached and he was fighting to not show the difficulty he was having breathing. His face was flushed a bright red and he was sweating more than usual.

"Your mom messaged me, asking if you can stay over. I can't deny her, you know that." Iwa replies evenly to the captain, voice a bit muffled as he pulls off his own shirt.

"Fine." Oikawa huffs out, partially in annoyance and mostly because of his breathlessness. Knowing that he was going to have to spend the entire night with Iwa, Oikawa began moving a bit more slowly as he tugs off his pants. "Did she say why?" He asks, at least wanting to know what was so important he was being kicked out for the night.

"You don't want to know." Iwa replies quickly, face twisting a bit into an expression of slight disgust and the setter was more than capable of figuring it out, causing his own lip to curl and his nose to wrinkle up a bit at the thought.

"Gee, thanks for that..." He complains,voice dripping sarcasm, while slipping his shoes on and gathering his belongings. Most of the team had already filed out, leaving only Watari with them. "We're heading out first, Watachi. Make sure it gets locked up, yeah?" Oikawa says, pausing at the door, the libero nods.

"Can do." He mumbles under his breath as he types a message out furiously on his phone. Oikawa rolls his eyes at the younger boy and walks out the door, falling into step with Iwa who slowed his strides to match the setter's slower than normal pace.

 **I don't really have anything more to say on this... It was a bit shorter than I wanted it to be, but there wasn't much I could do about that without cutting it off at a weird part, though I guess this is still kind of an awkward place to stop, huh..? Anyways... I hope you could enjoy this chapter! Thank you for taking the time to read it.**


	3. Chapter 2

As they walk along the familiar path back home, Oikawa is fidgeting the entire way. A bit nervous and worried. He kept glancing in the Iwaizumi's direction, knowing that eventually the topic he was dreading would come up and this time, he wouldn't be able to avoid it. Iwa-Chan wouldn't let him. He was waiting for the shoe to drop, so he was surprised that when Iwa's lips part and he speaks it's a very simple, "We gotta stop at the store on the way." Oikawa blinks, not having expected those words, but not complaining about the spiker not meeting his expectations.

"Oh… Okay. I'll help you carry things back!" He says in his usual cheerful voice despite knowing that that was not going to happen and, by the way Iwa was shaking his head, he knew it too. "Aww, don't make that face, Iwa-Chan! I'll definitely help if you get me some milk bread!" He says in response to the skeptical look the other male was giving him.

"You say that every time, Trashykawa." He huffs in response, knowing that the brunet would pout and complain that no, he did help, really. Oikawa's cheeks puff out, but his rebuttal didn't immediately follow.

"I guess I do, huh..?" He asks, voice dropping a bit and becoming softer, more fragile. Iwa's eyebrows furrow together, but before he can even open his mouth to question the captain, he continues. "I take you for granted a lot, Iwa-Chan. I'm always clingy and loud and I never do anything for you, but I still just expect you to always be there. I don't want that anymore. I want you to feel like I really do care about our relationship, because you are my best friend. You have been for so long, and I honestly don't know why you're still so nice to me. I don't deserve that..." He says, talking fast, stumbling on a few of his words, but his voice remains smooth and serious, not once faltering in its resolve.

"What are you talking about, stupid?" Iwa asks as he finally regains his voice, not giving the setter a chance to even think about answering him. "You stick by me no matter what, I'm always an asshole to you and you still stick around. You might be a bit clingy and you might act like an idiot more often than not, but you don't let me get too serious about things and you manage to remain more level headed than I do so you stop me from acting stupid sometimes. You might make me sit around for hours watching your stupid alien movies, but you'll sit with me and marathon the Godzilla movies without complaint even though we've seen them all so many times. You make me realize what an idiot I am when I'm taking myself too seriously and keep my life interesting. I might have known you for our entire lives, basically, but I never really know how you're going to react to anything." He says, finishing off his not quite rant as the store comes into view. Oikawa's cheeks had turned red and he had to turn away from his childhood friend, unable to look him in the eye after hearing his words.

"Come on, let's just get the shopping done!" The brunet says in a falsely chipper voice, making his pace a bit quicker as he makes his way into the store. Iwa lets out a soft chuckle, following after him and grabbing a handheld basket he wouldn't have to juggle all of their purchases before checking out. He heads straight for the snacks, grabbing up all of Oikawa's favorites as the setter roams the shop on his own, he gets through the aisle quickly and makes another stop at the ice cream to, once again, grab Oikawa's favorite. He knew that the topic he was hoping to breach was sensitive and that he really shouldn't push it, but if he didn't the brunet would never open up.  
It doesn't take long to pay for the snacks and as he's making his way towards the exit, just as he was about to turn and call for the setter, Oikawa was at his side, taking hold of a few of the bags' handles and pulling them gently from Iwa's hold, relieved that the spiker didn't put up a fight for them as they begin making their way towards his home, not much farther from here.

They make it to Iwa's house with nothing more exciting happening, remaining in a comfortable silence. They drop their school bags and take their shoes off at the door, setting them aside so nobody can trip over them and after stopping quickly in the kitchen to grab a couple of spoons, Iwa directs the, slightly confused setter to his room, tossing the bags of snacks onto his bed and sitting himself beside them. Oikawa follows suit, taking up his favorite spot on the bed and lowering the bags he had been carrying onto the mattress. A few of the packages had spilled from the bags in their ungraceful landing and Oikawa pokes at them, lifting his eyes up to Iwa's "What's all of this?" He asks as the spiker dumps all of the contents onto the bed, tossing aside the bags and holding out a spoon to the brunet.

"We're having a talk. And binging on snacks and those awful shows that are stupid and pointless, but we're going to go through the entire series in one night anyway." He says, giving the short description as he rips of the plastic wrapping from around the lid of the ice cream and popping open the container, holding it out to the setter in an offering in the form of the first bite.

From just that little bit Oikawa could tell he was going to cry way too much tonight, but he couldn't really find it inside himself to care with the promise of all his favorite snacks and Iwa's strong arms to hold him while he did so.

Slowly lifting his spoon, he scoops it across the top of the frozen dairy treat and brings it to his mouth, leaning back a bit, he allows the wall to support his weight as Iwa moves in next to him, ice cream in hand as he leans back as well. "You need to break up with that asshat." He says, not at all holding back his words because he knew that beating around the bush wasn't necessarily his strong suit and it would do absolutely nothing to help this conversation.

"I can't do that Iwa-Chan..." Oikawa speaks softly, nearly in a whisper, his eyes were already watering and he didn't know how he was going to get through this.

 **So, hi! I'm still living! I'm sorry this chapter is short, but I typed it up in a bit of a rush and this seemed like a good place to cut it off. I'm also in the middle of writing up the next chapter of So This Is What The Weather's Like Up Here, if you guys are reading that, it should be up sometime this week.**


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